The roommate phase of partnership during postpartum

Let’s shift the narrative of it being bad to healthy!

You know what’s not healthy? Feeling forced to do something if you’re not physically, mentally, or emotionally ready.

What is healthy is recognizing this is a small phase. Your partner actively putting your needs ahead of their own to make sure you feel comfortable and supported during a sensitive time supports getting back to intimacy when everyone is ready (and there’s no timeline for that)!

Your relationship is built on much more than physical intimacy. Remember when you had an amazing roommate situation when you were younger? A roommate that was there for you, that cleaned up without having to be asked, that took an active role in supporting you and being there for you. A roommate that wanted to share their life with you because they just loved being around you. A good roommate is one who sees you at your worst and wouldn’t think of going anywhere else. Who can make you smile when you’re feeling down, bring you food when you’re hungry, and knows how to pick up the slack when you can’t give it your all.

I would choose the roommate phase over and over again vs feeling like I had to do something my body or emotional spirit wasn’t ready for yet. To me, the roommate phase during postpartum signals a healthy relationship that honors deep healing. I’m so grateful for my husband — just two best friends, supporting each other, doing their best, smiling as we pass each other taking shifts with our baby, and knowing how temporary this all is in the large scheme of things.

It may be hard at first and can feel lonely, but maybe it’s because we’ve been taught to fear it? We’ve been conditioned to think there might be something wrong or that relationships might not recover. Heck, we even have the 6-week postnatal appointment to essentially clear women for intimacy and working out. As if that’s the type of support women need from our healthcare system. So much rooted in bounce back culture.

Here’s to the roommate phase being beautiful and intimate in different ways. Trust in the timing of your own needs and let’s rebrand the roommate phase from being feared to cherished.