Forcing grit and trying to be perfect

I’m no different. I tried this approach. We all do, it seems. At least to start, but something’s got to give eventually.

Self-love is knowing that we’re all imperfect. The nature of being human is to be flawed. Postpartum healing doesn’t need to be floral foot baths, massages, and naps. Sometimes, a subtle re-patterning of needing things to be perfect is the most healing endeavor. The expansion we’re committed to is loving and making room for every part of ourselves. That’s real love.

Motherhood is to welcome in support vs trying to get it right on our own and forcing grit. Guarding our matrescence and getting caught up in being perfect, or how our parenthood is being perceived by others — it’s all rooted in ego. But the child is the closest to not having an ego. They welcome support, a sense of belonging, and their existence is always in flow. Children are in a dance with life.

Matrescence is our potential to become childlike. Children give us the opportunity to be real. There’s something beautiful about the playfulness, the expressiveness, the goofy, the whole world of mess just waiting for us to explore. To be so generous in our capacity to let people be who they are and reminding us that everyone wants to be loved, held, and heard. 

We won’t get it perfect. We’ll make mistakes in the consistent exploration of learning ourselves over and over again. Releasing the control to fully know who we are as mothers and welcoming whatever presents in any given moment on any given day.

So let go of the feeling like we can know it all. Laugh, play, throw tantrums, get mad, sad — just feel it. The capacity to feel is the opportunity to be human. It’s all an expression of love.

Instead of negotiating motherhood terms when bumping up against the messy parts of ourselves, my best advice is to embrace the wild. We don’t need to master the art of calmness. We don’t need to silence parts of ourselves. We don’t need to bypass our very real and very human experiences during postpartum and motherhood. Moving through vs bypassing welcomes connection vs control. No one deserves connection and support more than a mother.